I wrote this piece a few weeks ago but didn't publish it -- it seemed too raw. I'm happy to report that I've lost 10 pounds since writing it. The new clothes really sparked something good! The hope was not in vain!
"Burlap sack," I thought.
Tried on the next shirt.
"Lost in the mountains, I could use this as a tent."
Next shirt.
"Boating adventure? Got my sail right here."
Next shirt.
"A queen sized flat sheet... definitely toga worthy."
And so it continued, shirt, after shirt, after giant shirt.
The truth is, since getting married I've gained twenty pounds and the only clothes that fit now are of the muy grande variety.
Clothes shopping has always had a sobering effect on me. Cramped in those tiny dressing rooms with the harsh reveal-every-flaw fluorescent lighting and completely penned-in and surrounded by those merciless unblinking mirrors, I can't ignore the extra rolls that are so nicely shrouded in my comfy weekend clothing. It's time to face the music. I've gained weight.
I wouldn't go clothes shopping at all, but when a closet-full of my nice apparel is all deemed unfit to wear (and no, my dryer can't be blamed for all of it, try as I might), it's a fact that I can either go into hiding until I lose the extra pounds, continue venturing forth in oversized t-shirts at every public appearance, or I can expand my wardrobe to fit my expanding waistline. As much as the first two options appeal to me, it would really only make things worse.
And so I bought a few nice outfits. And I like them. And others who have seen me in oversized t-shirts for months have given nice compliments.
It's a band-aid fix, yes. But it's more of a first step. Another first step.
In my own long struggle with weight, since that first Slim Fast shake I downed in Kindergarten, it's a fact that when I give up caring what I look like, it just leads to a bad attitude, self-loathing, and more weight. I shower less often. I resort to a bun or a pony-tail for my hair. I sleep later. I spend more time isolated. I pray less. It's just not good.
A few new shirts and a few new skirts, if I can ignore the number on the tag, give me a new outlook. A new hope.
When I can make an effort to look nice, regardless of my weight, and really care about my appearance not for vanity's sake, but for acknowledging that I'm a temple of the Holy Spirit, my mood improves and really, so does my health.
Here's hoping the new clothes get the ball rolling.
"it's a fact that when I give up caring what I look like, it just leads to a bad attitude, self-loathing, and more weight. I shower less often. I resort to a bun or a pony-tail for my hair. I sleep later. I spend more time isolated. I pray less. It's just not good."
ReplyDeleteI don't think I ever put 2 and 2 together, but now that you mention it, I'd say the same for me. I really need to lose weight. I'm starting a diet in July since we are moving next week and I can't deal with it until then. I'm going to do Weight Watchers since they take into consideration women who are nursing. I'll have to reflect on what you said though. Unless I'm going out though, I don't generally get out of my pajamas. Maybe changing that will help!Thx.
Congratulations on the weight loss, especially since you were travelling during that time!!!:)
ReplyDeleteMoving? That's exciting! Hope that all goes well :).
ReplyDeleteThank you! I did a lot of walking (seriously about 20 miles) throughout that week! Counteracted the cream puffs perfectly :).
ReplyDeleteThere really is something to new clothes, new cleaning products, things like this..It gets us out of our mood, gets us in the correct disposition, and seems to just lift the spirits...I had to go shopping for my Dad's funeral a month ago, and I found what I needed, not what I wanted...but, it worked out..When I really need to get myself going on my house, I break out the...ready??? Clorox cleaning wipes..They are such a special occastion on my house, but they are fun, the kids love to help cleaning with them, and it's just easy..just so long as they dont get flushed...then we have another problem all together...
ReplyDeleteOh, also, this drove my Mom nuts, but years ago, my Dad was a huge man, I mean huge...He lost close to 50 lbs in a year just by eating and chewing his food slowly...That's it..same food, just very slow, and chewing it to death! She could not sit at the table with him for so long and finally had to get up to start the dishes..but, it worked!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about the loss of your father.
ReplyDeleteI completely know what you mean about Clorox wipes, though -- I feel the same way about using Tide (on "special occasions") vs. my homemade laundry soap. :)
Chew? What is this strange verb you use? If it can fit in our mouth it should fit down our throat, right? hehe
ReplyDeleteWow, so true. Here's the flip side. I lost 13 pounds, bought new clothes and felt great. Now I've gained back three pounds and am terrified that I won't fit into my 'skinny' new clothes. So now, I am exercising like crazy, and eating only veggies and boiled eggs. I am going crazy not to out grow my new purchases! UGH! I. Just. Can't. Win.
ReplyDeleteOh no!! That is hard :(.
ReplyDeleteMy motivation clothes are my old wardrobe :-D. I had a lot of nice clothes but I haven't been able to wear it for at least two years, so it'll seem new to me.